Webz's Relationship Guide - How Not to Fuck Up

Okay look, let me just say a few things first. I am by no means perfect in any way, allow me to elaborate.

I am just an average person, I have never won any awards for anything, my grades are completely average, I am not good at sports, nor do I have any refined talents that can physically contribute to society, and be recognized as a superb addition to the world. I don't have killer good looks, a flat stomach or rippling muscles, I am as average as they come, my friends.

What I DO have that is superior to what most people have is a happy, thriving and amazing relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years now, and we have never been in a really big fight, we have never needed to have a "break", having "time apart" sucks for us, we miss each other terribly, and we have a ton of fun when we are together. 6 years, and every day is just fantastic.

So I feel pretty qualified to give some advice to those of you out there who are struggling in a relationship, and can never seem to make it "work". This advice isn't really meant for people who are looking for people, but maybe you'll find something useful here that will help, and after all, that's what this post is all about, and hopefully I can ruffle some feathers a long the way. Speaking of which, my first point will probably do just that...

1. Sex isn't important

Sorry, it just isn't. 

Let me explain. You can have all the nasty, fun, dirty sex you want, and don't get me wrong, it IS fun. And I am certainly not saying it has no place in a romantic relationship, because it does. However, that should not be the main goal here, or even a sub goal, or a...sub-sub-goal. 

Look, if all you want is a fuck buddy, then go for it, this isn't a guide for getting laid. If that's what you want, you're in the wrong place. 

The problem with sex having a ton of importance in a relationship, is that it quickly becomes the "go to" activity when you are with your partner, and that's just not how it should be. Sure have fun sex on a regular basis, but if after you do it, you just kinda sit there with each other, or even worse, just go on about your business and ignore each other, there is something terribly wrong. You should be able to have fun with your partner with out being naked, and if your main goal is sex, then that's all you have....sex. And nothing else. And that my friend, is a relationship that's doomed to fail. Because you can't have a good relationship if you can't....

2. Be Good Friends With Your Partner

This is probably the most important point in this guide, and probably the most important piece of advice you will ever be given about relationships, it is extremely important.

YOU NEED TO HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON! and no, it cannot be fucking. An interest, a hobby, a passion, anything like that will do, just as long as you guys can do something together that you both love, and will both have a good time participating in.

I've seen many relationships were the people really do genuinely like each other, and they get along...eh, pretty well. But if you guys have nothing in common, then there is only so much sitting there watching general TV and talking that you guys can do. Sure, talking with your partner is always a good thing, no matter what stage you are in, but eventually if you guys don't have a common interest to share, you are going to run out of things to say, and start boring each other.

I'm not saying that you both need to love everything that each other likes, that would be annoying. But just something that you can do together, for example, me and my girlfriend play WoW together, we sometimes play Magic: The Gathering, we've played video games together, nothing hardcore, but still, it's fun to play anything together and have a laugh and some good times. Other options including going for walks, working out, exercising , shopping and many more, just make sure you both enjoy it.

Look, if you guys don't really like each other, it's just not going to work. If you're only together because you're a man and she's a woman, and you didn't totally hate each other, you are doomed. That relationship is just not going to work. The most important part of a romantic relationship is that you LIKE each other, not just "love". You have to enjoy each others company, even if you aren't doing anything at all. and most importantly, you HAVE to be able to poke fun at each other. And for god's sake, those of you out there who can't take a joke, please...just grow the fuck up, it's a harsh world out there, you are going to get your feelings hurt. Stop being a baby.

So how do you know when you and your partner are best friends? You'll know. That's all I can say, you'll feel it. When you guys can act like dumb asses, and dance around in your underwear to the theme song of Doctor Who, and the proceed to laugh your asses off at how stupid you are, that's when it'll hit you "Wow...I can spend the rest of my life with this person, because we are best friends".

Granted, you can look for eternity and you will never ever find someone who likes everything you do. But that's when you need to try and...

3. Take and interest

For instance, I mentioned Doctor Who in the above paragraphs, that seems like a good place to start. I love Doctor Who. In fact, it is my favourite show, and I have seen every episode of the 2005 reboot. I can't get enough of it.

My girlfriend, hates it. She can't stand the cheesy jokes, the lame humor and the "corny story line", as she puts it. But she knows all about it. Do you know why? Because some idiot won't shut up about it, blabbering his head off incoherently whenever a new episode comes out. She recognizes the TARDIS when she sees it, she would know the 3 latest Doctors if she saw them, and she knows what a sonic screw driver is.

Plot twist: that blabbering idiot, is me...and she listens to every word spewed from my mouth. Weather or not she likes it (and she doesn't), doesn't matter. She still has the respect to listen to what I have to say, and actually pay attention. Is she every going to sit down and watch it with me? No. And that's okay, because at least she takes an interest and my interest, and doesn't just shrug me off like some annoying 5 year old desperately trying to get some attention.

Another example is the post I did on Majora's Mask. She could tell you every bit of information in that post, and more, because I won't shut up about it. She's heard about that game so many times, and actually listened. Even though she has never played it, and probably never will, she knows about the game, because she took an interest in what I had to say.

And guys out there, this goes both ways. Meaning you need to take an interest in what she has to say. Ask her how her day went, and for god's sake. PAY. ATTENTION. It's not that hard. Ask questions. Show that you're listening. If you're fabulous, like myself, you can talk about fashion, and things like that. Even if you're not into that stuff, you'd be surprised how much it means to somebody if you actually take an interest in them... It goes a long way.

4. Realize Stupid Things Don't Matter

Any couple has disagreements and arguments, it's bound to happen. Rude things will be said, and tempers will be flared up. What's important is that you do not carry that around with you for longer then the actual argument exists. If you're still mad after the argument has ended, there are 5 very important words that you need think about.

Who. Cares....Let it go.

What does it matter if you disagree on politics, religion, or in my case; who cares if she thinks Spider-Man 3 was the best spider-man movie....Even though she's a big wrong stupid-head. Odds are, what you are arguing about does not fucking matter in the slightest to anyone anywhere, including you. You are not the same person, you are going to have things that you just do not agree on, and that's okay, as long as afterwards you realize that it honestly won't make a difference in you're life that she thinks microwave popcorn is just as good as theater popcorn.

Now obviously, there are certain disagreements that DO matter, and they very well could lead to the end of a relationship, and those are the arguments that will make or break your relationship. If you're relationship can be put to the rocks, and truly tested, and still survive, you know you've got a keeper. 

"Stupid things" also involves things outside of arguments, like little habits. As annoying as it might that he doesn't put the toilet seat down, or that she turns up the heat because "It's cold" in august and its fucking 15 degrees (Celsius) outside, It honestly does not matter. Learn to let "pet peeves" go, it's pointless to get upset over stupid little shit that people are doing completely unintentionally and are completely innocent of trying to "get your goat", let that shit go. Seriously. It's annoying.

JUST DON'T LEAVE YOUR FUCKING BAG ON THE TABLE. THAT'S A DEATH SENTENCE...take it from me.

Before I end this segment, I just want to say, ladies, there is a different between an "fight" and a fight. If he EVER hits you, under any circumstance, and its NOT an accident, and he's NOT defending himself, and it is a REAL hit, leave him. He is human trash, not worthy of the energy it takes to spit in his fucking shithead face. Do not give him a "second chance", once he hits you, it's over. Have some respect for yourself, and your real loved ones. There is someone out there who will treat you like the beautiful soul you are, and they don't need a "second chance". 

And for my final point (for this post)...

5. Make Time.

I know, sometimes life is going to get busy. And I mean really busy. Like, you don't have time to eat, or shower busy. But it is important that you put at least one hour aside every single day to spend with your partner. It doesn't matter what you do; watching TV/Movie, play a game, go for a walk, or just talk over tea or coffee (or in my case, coffee and kool-aide...seriously, try a grown up drink sweety... :P), just put aside that time and invest it into the person you're supposed to love. Even if it's just talking about how much stress your under, you'd be surprised how much having an ear to listen can help.

This is coming from someone who just got out of his third semester in college, and boy was I busy these last two weeks. But you know what? I still took some time every day to lie down with my girlfriend and watch some anime. (SIDE NOTE: you have to be able to spot the difference between when she says she wants to watch tv, and when she says she want to "watch some TV", if the word "some" is in there, and its past 7:00, she wants to go to sleep. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS TRAP.), it's really important that you put the time in, because it's really easy to accidentally ignore each other on a day you're really busy and swamped with life stuff. And then it's easy to do it again the next day, and the next day, and the one after that. 

Just don't do it at all, it's good to spend time with your lover, and you should be excited to do so, see point 2. Just do it. You'll have a good time if you've been following the steps up until now. Promise.

Well that does it for this post, I have a bunch more "helpful" tips for starting and growing relationships, so I will probably create a part 2 some time in the future.

But until then, this guide is just another strand of the web, Stick in there, world! Happy Holidays, push your lover into a snowbank for me!

More to come shortly - but for now....

All work and no play makes Webz a sad little spider. As soon as wrapped up my last part my...*shudder* job hired me for "full-time temporary", and now I get to put one item in a machine and press a button for 8 hours every day...

"I do not want to kill everyone
I do not want to kill everyone

I do want to kill everyone

I want to kill everyone

I want kill everyone

Kill everyone"

So yeah, anyways. More posts are going to be coming soon. Not like I need to justify myself, assholes.

IN THE MEAN TIME.

Please enjoy a Webz Original. :D

Terrors

Have you ever heard the theory among some scientists that the human mind only allows a person to see and do things that we humans have become conditioned to believe are possible? Some renowned minds believe that many things such as being able to phase through a solid object are only impossible because thats what we have told ourselves for thousands of years.

I always thought it would be interesting if the same theory could be applied to seeing paranormal things. Maybe we could be able to see ghosts, demons and other phantasmal beings if only we weren’t conditioned to believe that we can’t see such nonsense. However, children, especially imaginative children are not conditioned to such notions, at least not when they are very young, that is what I believe.

If you think about it, it could explain a lot. It could explain why babies spontaneously burst into tears, when nothing at all seems to be wrong, or why sometimes young children seem so distraught, and can’t seem to put their frustrations or fears into words, maybe simply because the words to describe what is happening do not exist. Think about imaginary friends. Did you have one? I did, they seemed so real to me, but I knew it couldn’t actually exist, I was starting to “grow up” at that time, but I was always an imaginative kid.

Or...maybe I’m trying to justify my experiences as a young child. Have you heard of “Night Terrors”? they are defined as nightmares that happen while you are awake, they are very common in young children. I used to have them all the time. Maybe I am just trying to justify meaningless haunting terrors of my mind by trying to believe that some part of it is real. I can’t help but feel this way, because although I had night terrors all the time, there is one, that I remember so vividly...let me tell you how I remember it.

In the house we were in at the time, my whole family slept on the second floor, there were three bedrooms. Right when you reach the top of the stairs, there were two bedrooms, my parent’s room to the right, and my brother’s room was directly across from the top of the stairs. To the left, halfway down the hallway, was the bathroom. And then, all the way at the end of the hall, that was my room. I had a bunk bed in my room, up until a year before this night, me and my brother had the same room. I always had the top bunk, I still slept in it even when he got his own room.

It was a pretty normal night, normal for me anyways. Usually when I had night terrors, I could deal with them. It would just be shadows moving around my room quickly, and sometimes I might catch a quick glimpse of it, little things like that. but after a little while, I noticed something. The shadows were all moving to the corner on on the other side of my room. They were...taking a form, or two forms I should say. when they were finally fully “constructed”, I couldn’t make out much. It was dark in my room, the only light coming from the hall light glowing through the bottom of my door. But as they got closer, I began to be able to make out more. 

There were two, very tall beings,

exactly the same height. They had virtually no features, as they were made out of shadows, except for their eyes. It sounds cliche, but their bodies were dark, but their eyes were absolutely pitch black.

When I noticed them, thats when they seemed to notice me, I wish now I had just fallen asleep and never saw them at all. They started coming closer to me, side by side. They slowly got closer and closer to my bed, as I was struck with a terror I still can’t describe, I couldn’t seem to move. As they got closer, I seemed to only be able to look into their eyes...and doing so filled me with a type of dread no one should feel, It is an emptiness that we aren’t capable of feeling.

They drew closer and closer until they were right next to my bed, their heads hanging over me, staring at me. They were superhumanly tall, they were able to lean over the barrier of the bunk bed and stared at me as I cowered against the wall. They stared for longer then I can remember, and it felt as if they were somehow...smiling, some sort of demonic smile. Then suddenly, they started laughing. No, not laughing, it was more like a cackle, A horrible, terrifying cackle. I started crying, which made them laugh even harder. after about thirty seconds of laughing, they stopped. They slowly turned around, and began to walk to the other side of my room; to my door.

One of them extended their ghastly arm, and opened the door. allowing light to pour into my room, however it didn’t illuminate the creatures, only outlined their spectral, shadowy form. They stared down the hallway, I couldn’t see what they were looking at. Then, one of them turned around and let out one final laugh and then they started sprinting down the hall, side by side. I watched as their gangly form dashed to the other side of the hallway, and then reached my parents room, one of them snuck through the opening in their door, as the other one turned around to meet my gaze. He looked at me with his horrible eyes as he too slipped into the darkness of my parents room, and out of my view.

Terrified, I couldn’t move. I was so scared, and felt drained of any hope, courage and happiness. I laid there in bed for a minute before an awful thought struck me. My brother! They might try to get my little brother after they were done whatever they were doing in my parents room. I scrounged up enough bravery to scurry down the ladder for my bunk bed and dash to my bedroom door. I peaked out to see if they were watching from my parents room, I didn’t see them, only darkness from beyond their door. I slowly began to tip toe across the hallway. The wood floor beneath me was very creaky and loud, I didn’t want to wake up my parents, or worse, attract...”their” attention.

As I tried my best to sneak past the washroom, my mind raced with all the awful horrors they could be silently inflicting on my parents. I managed to knock it out of my mind by focusing on my brothers room, moving forward, and nothing else. I HAD to save him from these...things. I reached his door, and peaked inside. He had a night light, and I could see him sleeping, safely. I had to wake him up though, I didn’t feel we were safe up stairs.

“Liam”, I whispered. “Hey! Liam! Are you awake?”, No response. I couldn’t make enough noise to wake him without entering his room, but I was afraid to leave the safety of the hallway light.

“Jake what are you doing!!” I heard a deep voice sternly speak. I nearly had a heart attack. It was my Dad. “Jake...why aren’t you in bed??”, he questioned me with confusion and frustration in his voice. From the angle I was now standing at, I could clearly see into my parents bedroom.

“I was just...I was- I forgot to tell Liam something”, I spat out, as I was analyzing my parents room. My Dad was propping himself up on his elbow and was staring at me. My eyes darted around the room, there was nothing. They were gone. I felt relieved, it was as if up until now I was going to die on this night, but now was spared from an awful fate, and could resume my life.

“Well, go back to bed, leave him alone, whatever it is, it can wait till the morning.”, He said sternly, I heard him mutter something under his bed as he laid back down.

“Yeah, you’re right.”, I smiled. “Goodnight dad, I love you.”

I felt silly, this was all just a crazy figment of my imagination. I realized how heavy my eyes were, and how tired I was. What time was it? How long have I been too terrified to even blink for? I was going back to bed, I had school in the morning, and wanted nothing more than to sleep for a year. Still smiling, I rubbed my eyes as I turned around. When I opened them, the smile disappeared. My stomach sank.

They were in my room, in front of my bed. They were in my fucking room! STARING AT ME.

I felt hopeless, I broke down. Started balling and screaming. I didn’t know what else to do. They stared at me with their pitch black eyes while I screamed in terror.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake!”, My dad shouted. He stomped out of bed, and into the hallway. He picked me up and began to carry me back to my room. As we quickly approached my room, I was screamed louder as tears flowed down my cheeks. I couldn’t escape my fathers grasp, I tried, as they creatures gazed while I was being carried back to my bed, but it felt like my grave.

My father obviously couldn’t see them, he walked right passed them as he stomped through my room and planted me back in my bed. Still screeching, he tried to comfort me. He knew of my night terrors, so he tried to be understanding, although didn’t understand at all.

“I don’t know what you are seeing, but trust me, nothing is in here, and nothing can hurt you, I promise.” he said sympathetically as he looked into my welled up eyes. I could see them watching, standing right behind my father. “Its all just make-belief, not

real...try to get some sleep, I love you.”, He kissed my head as I was still sobbing gently. “Goodnight.” He turned around, and left the room closing the door behind him. I couldn’t see, because my eyes weren’t adjusted to the dark room anymore. But I knew they were still there, I could see their eyes clearly. They were darker than everything else, pitch black, nothingness. I could see them, and they came closer, until they were the same length away from me as before. As my eyes adjusted, my vision returned. They were staring at me again. but this time was different. They...weren’t smiling. They were angry, or disappointed. There was no smiling, no cackling this time. Just a deep disappointment.

I don’t remember anything else from that night, my memory ends with their eyes, furiously glaring at me. I guess I must have just passed out from exhaustion eventually. It was hours at least before that happened though. The next day was fine. Everything was normal, except for me. The next night, I left the door open to illuminate my room, I couldn’t sleep in darkness anymore.

So you see, I can’t help but feel that at least a small part of that night was real. Now that I know some scientists believe we only see what we believe exists in the realm of possibilities, I can’t help but feel that some things manage to slip through the cracks. But why? Why me? Why did they go into my parents room and leave me alone in my bed? Were they trying to tell me something? I shudder to think of why they did what they did, or even if the whole event had any realism at all attached to it.

I never had another Night terror like that again. But to this day, I still cannot sleep in pure darkness. I have to have a TV on or something to light up the room. Call me a coward if you want, but it terrifies me. Most nights are ok, I don’t have any problems. But some nights...some times...when I’m almost asleep and my back is turned...I swear to god, I can feel their horrible eyes on me.

Reasons Why Majora's Mask is Way Better then Ocarina of Time

I've talked about this so many times to my real life friends (all 3 of them), so much that one of them fell asleep when I was talking about it, one of them won't even discuss the matter with me anymore, and my better half will seriously kill me for posting about it again.

But god dammit, this needs to be heard...again.

So Ocarina comes out in 1998, and everybody LOVES it, and I mean they absolutely  freaking LOVE it. And whats not to love? The game is a breakthrough in technology. The first ever 3D Zelda, packed to the brim with truckloads of content. It's a grand adventure of a boy who sets out to save the world. The game is a smash hit, loved by millions, and stands strongly in the childhood of most gamers from my generation.

 However, that's where it stops, not that it NEEDED to be any better per say, but the game lacked depth, which to be fair, was not uncommon for games back in the 90's. 

Nintendo saw how much people loved Ocarina of time, and more importantly, they saw how much flipping money the game was raking in. They decided to make another Zelda game with the same art style and technical feel as Ocarina to capitalize on its success. So with a year and a half worth of work, and supported by the brand new "expansion pak" that allowed to N64 to support better graphics, they released Majora's Mask.

This is a direct sequel to Ocarina, and Link has gone into the forest (some speculate the lost woods...without a fairy, tsk tsk Link), to search for Navi  "a lost friend", and he gets ambushed by the Skull Kid who steals the Ocarina of Time. Then we get to play, and every Zelda fan will know what I mean when I saw that IMMEDIATELY, this game feels entirely different than Ocarina. It looks the same, but the atmosphere is completely different, its...darker, much darker.

So you follow this Ocarina nabbing douche bag...right down a freaking near bottomless pit. Great job, Link, there's using that Hero of Time brain. Anyways after our clueless crusader falls down the pit of hell and lands on his ass... The first thing we are told is that our horse was annoying, so the Skull Kid killed it....What.The.Fuck Nintendo.

"Lets see, kids like swords, magic, and severe childhood trauma, right?"

Now, they never come right out and say "Yeah, btw, we butchered your horse, so like, yeah, take that.", but the dialog doesn't leave a lot of room for interpretation. Yes, Epona returns later in the game, but that could be due to One of two reasons:

1. Time travel. Link goes back in time and because the Ocarina was never stolen, neither was Epona. Since clearly there are not TWO Ocarinas in the same time period, it could be possible that Link was never mugged.

2, (And the more likely reason...). That isn't Epona. Well technically it IS Epona, but not Link's Epona. Let me explain.

Everyone in Termina (the world where Majora's Mask takes place) has an exact physical replica of them in Hyrule. Not the same PERSON per se, but  the same appearance. In essence, an alternate version of everyone in Hyrule, exists in Termina. Get it? It is Termina's version of Epona. 

You can pick either scenario, or if you have another, I'd love to hear it, but either way, the Skull Kid literally murdered Epona, and then taunted you about it. Nintendo is really trying for that "E for everyone rating".

Continuing on about 30 seconds into the game, right after the Skull Kid kills your best friend, he then proceeds to turn you into deformed fucked up nightmare abomination  a Deku Scrub.

"OH GOD WTF IS THA- oh....its just my reflection, haha"

Yep, moments after murdering your horse (and only friend), the Skull Kid uses his mysterious powers to turn you into a useless Deku Scrub. You lose all your abilities, you can't swing your sword, use your shield or really do anything. Well, correction, you can spit bubbles. Whoopee! the world is saved, I guess.

The game does this to give you a feeling of helplessness, which is a common theme throughout the whole game, but more on that later.

Of course, this change isn't permanent. After retrieving the Ocarina, Link can return his normal form, and also gains the "ability" to return to this....er...form.

"I'M SCREAMING IN PAIN BECAUSE THIS GAME IS SO KID FRIENDLY!!!"

So you do the only thing that you are able to do. You chase after horse killing, scrub cursing son of a bitch. You venture through the underground cavern, and right as you reach the entrance to the clock tower, something catches your gaze. Something, that is absolutely horrifying. You come face to face with this guy.

"You think it looks gloomy? I thought it was performing the dance of its people."

"But Webz", you say this isn't horrifying, I've seen this dozens of times.", Well...more on that later, my dear, oblivious friend.

So you're chasing down the Skull Kid, and about to open the doors to a brand new world, when suddenl- JESUS FUCK!

"Wheres my money you little green shit!?!"

You come face to face with...this marvelous character. I don't really have anything special to say about this guy, other than he is obviously the Happy Mask Salesman from Hyrule, based on his statements saying he is from far away from Termina...and he is creepy as fuck.

Anyways after...that, you walk outside, and if you look up, you see this:

"Why hallo thur"

As if this wasn't frightening enough, You learn that the reason this world is doomed in 3 days, is because that is when this guy is going to crash into Termina, destroying it. 

Remember talking about hopelessness? Well this is another one of the games biggest factors. You are doomed. You were doomed from the start, and you will always be doomed, no matter what. And then, they mix in cruelty, and irony; you have the power to travel through time. 

As kids, to us this just means going back in time again and again to finish the game, but think about it for a second. You get to the end of night 3, and you have failed to save the world. In a desperate attempt to have yet another chance at succeeding, Link plays the song of time so he can start all the way back at day one in hopes that he gets it right this time, but he won't, he can't. He can't do it all in 3 days, its just impossible, so he is forced to watch everyone and everything get destroyed. Again, and again, and again, the fearless hero of time fails.You want to talk about hopelessness? its staring you in the face from the minute you leave the clock tower. Literally.

Speaking of sadness and hopeless, lets talk about the Anju and kafei side quest. I'm not gonna explain the whole quest step by step, but I'll summarize it. There is this couple that is supposed to be getting married, but the Skull Kid cursed Kafei the would be husband, transforming him into a kid. He is so embarrassed, he leaves without a trace before his fiancee found out what had happened. Long story short, Link saves the day...

At the last possible second.

They are reunited right before the world i destroyed, in perhaps one of the saddest scenes in video game history. Anju is waiting for him. Instead of evacuating, she waits there for him, because she truly believes he will return for her, her love for him is so strong, she sits waiting for him, while staring doomsday in the face. 

As if this wasn't sad enough, they don't even evacuate after they become reunited. Knowing that it is too late for both of them, they decide to live out there final moments holding each other, waiting for the inevitable end to come.

"No joke for this one...just tears...wait, is that a fucking bunny hat? GOD DAMMIT LINK!!"

And as if all of this still wasn't sad enough. Lets think about this for a second. Sure, Link saved finally reunited them...but what about all the times he didn't? 

Link can't do this whole quest every time he goes back in time, not to mention he doesn't even have the means to the first 3/4 of the game, so how many times do you figure Kafei didn't return? That's right, 99% of the loops, Anju waited for Kafei...and died waiting, alone, never to see her love again.... I'll give you a minute to go and get a tissue...actually, grab the box, I'm not even done with the tears yet.

So how many of you remember this little girl?

"Only 6 Rupees? I'm sorry, we don;t allow the poor in this house, you're going to have to leave."

Her Name is Pamela. She wanders the dangerous land of Ikana everyday, and goes to a well filled with zombies looking for something. Looking for what, you may ask. Well, her dad had a little...hobby. 

"That being wrapping himself in toilet paper and drinking all the liquid out of a Juicy Drop Pop"

Her father was obsessed  with the re-dead. One day, her dad went down into said well, and he became cursed. He became a re-dead or a "Gibdo". 

So this poor little girl does the only thing she can think of doing, she stuffs her dad into a locked closet while she attempts to figure out a way to change him back...except for she is doomed to never find a way, after all, she is only a little girl with no remarkable traits other then a strong love for her father.

Anyways, this might not be as sad as the Kafei side quest, however, once Link finally finds a way into the house, he confronts the creature, and eventually plays the song of healing to restore the little girls father. The scene that follows really got me, I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it was the soft sounds of the song of healing playing in the background, but just the emotion that is implied. This poor girl has been surviving for god knows how long, on her own. Day in and day out trying to find a remedy for her father, with no chance of ever succeeding. And even if she does succeed, they are both dead at the end of the 3 days anyways.

Now this is the final point I'm going to make about the actual game, I could go on forever, but this has already taken several days to complete. Just know that there are many more examples hidden away in the game of dread, hopelessness and sorrow.

So after you beat the first temple, the Deku King wants to reward you for saving his daughter, he tells his butler to give you a reward...and he does so by giving you one fuck of a work out.

"...Asshole."

After you finally make it (It will take you more then a few tries), He finally gives you the god damn pig mask...and says something...interesting.

"Awee, thats nice...wait, what?"

"Remind you of his son, huh? That's cool, now give me that damn mask, you douche bag, so I can get on with the game.", you were probably thinking, so that's exactly what you do. You continue the game, and you eventually beat it. And then you are greeted with a scene that has...an old friend in it. Remember this?

Well after you beat the game, you will see this:

Take a second and really think about it. Most people will figure out, and maybe shed a tear or two, after all, it's really sad all by itself. That poor dead Deku that you passed at the beginning of the game was the butlers son, damn that's sad...but wait a sec, what did he say when you met him?

"When I see you, I am reminded of my son..."

That's right, you reminded him of his son, because when you met him, you ARE his son in a way. When his son crossed paths with the Skull Kid underground, the Skull Kid killed him, and took his soul. Then when you chased him down, he cursed you with the form of a Deku Scrub...using the butler's son's soul. 

After you revert back to your human form, the soul is stored in a magical mask, allowing you to transform back to a Deku on command. The process is the same for the other 3 transformation masks, they all have the soul of a fallen creature stored inside. So when you met the butler, you were wearing his son's face as a mask... unknowingly of course.

This is probably the saddest, unnerving moment in the entire Legend of Zelda series, and personally, I would argue in the entirety of video game history. The first time you realize this in game, it sends chills down your spine, and you have to be some sort of psychopath to not at least think about crying a lot.

So that's it. There are many more examples of these types hidden throughout the game, but to cover them all would take way more time then I care to devote. But trust me, the game is jam packed full with depressing moments...and this thing.

"Oh god Link, what are you gonna do with that Ocarina?"

"BUT WEBZ!!", you cry! "You said you were going to give reasons why Majora's Mask was better then Ocarina of TIme! You didn't give any reasons!"

Didn't I?

This is precisely why Majora's Mask is better than Ocarina of time. Ocarina owns the hearts of millions of gamers, and rightfully so. But this game is just SO much better because of all the emotion. All the little depressing moments, all the cruelty that's implied, the dark, merciless story with hundreds of people suffering. The constant presence of death and doom... and there's not a damn thing that can be done about it.

Majora's Mask is a masterpiece, and in my opinion, the best Zelda game of all time, and I'm sure of all the Ocarina fan boys went back and played Majora's Mask now that they are adults, most of them would agree with me if they could put their biases aside...JUST LIKE ME!

Belief or disbelief lies with you. If you have any good reasons why Ocarina is legitimately  better, I would love to hear it. But for now, they are both just another strand of the web.

No Hayter, No sale.

Hi there.

My name is Webz, and sometimes I get disgruntled about things, and when I get disgruntled about things, I like to form opinions about said things I am disgruntled about logically. LOGICALLY being the key word here. In my younger days when I was but a mere hatchling, I would go off on huge incoherent rants with no valid arguments and completely biased opinions. My opinions might still be biased for the most part, but hey, gotta start somewhere, at least they make sense now. (that statement comes from myself alone, by the way, which is technically ALSO biased...hmm.)

ANYHOO, welcome, stranger. In addition to posting my opinions on things that have disgruntled my feelings, I will also be using this blog to post about video games, comic book, and whole assortment of that fun stuff. So check back every once in a while if you like that kind of stuff, or me. And if you don't like me, then don't come back I guess, theoretical asshole.

Today's post will fall into the former category, the one about me being disgruntled, that is. 

As a lot of people already know, (and seriously, you should already know, if you don't, there is this great thing called the internet I need to introduce you too.) Metal Gear Solid V will NOT have David Hayter playing the voice of Snake for the North American version of the game. And yes, this is a big deal.

First of all, for all...you, out there who are constantly telling angry and riled up to "Calm down", and "It's not THAT big of a deal"; stahp. That doesn't work, and its never going to work. and let me explain why.

If you are one of the aforementioned people, you CAN'T comment, if you are not a long term fan. Meaning if you've played MGS3 & 4, you can't give a valid opinion on this. 
If you haven't played MGS at ALL, you can't give an opinion. If you've played each of the games halfway through and then put them down, because you are sone kind of psycho who can just DO that, you can't give an opinion.

If you are a long time fan of the series, and you aren't upset about this, YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY thats fine. If for some reason this really doesn't bother you at all, great. Buy MGSV, have a great time. Don't tell us riled uppers to settle down, because believe it or not, most of us REALLY care about this.

Let me explain, your take a game that i've been playing since before I should have been playing it, and you give the main character a voice. Not just a "voice", however, a very iconic, recognizable voice, that few people can imitate flawlessly, and that voice fits the character SO well, that they bond. That voice BELONGS to that character. thats just how it is. When one voice fit one character SO well like that, it just happens.

Many, many games continue to come out over the years, all with the same character, and the same voice. Each game is a masterpiece in its own right (some will debate this, I assume), and every game has a huge amount of character development for our hero.

Then they show the trailer for the next game, and The voice actors name for the iconic character is no where to be seen, and upon further questioning, it is announced by the creators that he is NOT going to be the voice for the character you have invested countless hours into. 

What the hell, Hideo, seriously man.

Now, I wouldn't even be this upset if it was some sort of money issue, or a time issue where Hayter just didn't have the time, but its not that. Not even close. In fact, Hayter WANTED to be the voice for Snake when the game was announced. And He HIMSELF contacted Konami to ask if he was needed. Thats right, the VOICE actor, the extremely busy screen writer David Hayter, took time out of his schedule to seek contact THEM and ask if he could be the voice of snake. and you Know what they said? Nope.

They said that "He wouldn't be needed on this one", and left it at that. He didn't receive any other details other than he would not be hired for this game.

Again, what the hell Hideo.

if you don't believe me, here is the link to David's statement on the issue.

Notice how he goes on to say that he is very emotional about the subject.

Anyways, to my main point, I myself, who have played and beaten every Metal Gear Solid game that I have had access to, (I haven't played the ones for the PSP because...ew, PSP) will not be buying MGSV, and I mean that. They don't realize this, but this is actually a HUGE slap in the face to David Hayter, and the loyal fan base of Metal Gear Solid, and I sirs, will not be slapped in the face, and then buy the product.

I'm serious. Sure, its Kojima's game. But when you're talking about english voice overs, I'm sorry, but its Hayter's character, and you can't just do that to the fans, and expect us to be hunkey dorey with it. Jerks.

I'm not going to ask everyone to NOT buy MGSV, because thats ridiculous. But if you feel as passionately as I do about it, well there is only one way to make our bitching mean something to them. Sales. Its all about money friends, and if they see that they're sales are FAR below what they should be, they'll get the fucking message.

Thats my contribution to the issue. well that, and writing this, and the former is what will get the attention. I know several people who are going to do the same thing, and feel that this is a pretty widespread feeling. So friends, this is how we get heard. 

It's not too late though, they could still correct this horrible mistake. Maybe an enormous amount of bitching will finally change their minds, and if thats the case, this should cover my own amount and then some. Hopefully we hear some good news, but until then, this issue is just another string in the web.